I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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