I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
