We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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