who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think my mom watched the whole time
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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