Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
