i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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