we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
