hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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