You're my little dorito
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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