I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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