one might say we're banned from that church
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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