first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
