The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
