They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
