You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A bitchslap is in order.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
