just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
