Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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