And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
