She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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