final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
