And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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