So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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