Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
