He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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