...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
