We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
