This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
