What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
