Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
