even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
