apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
