Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
