How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
