We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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