So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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