i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
