I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
