your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
