Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
