Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
