Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
