You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
