I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
