he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
