he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
