Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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