I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
