Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
