So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
