No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry about my life...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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