Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
