I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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