just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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