just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
