careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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