I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
