I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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